Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
