mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Actions speak louder than pants.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
