She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize