Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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