Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
