omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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