I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
