you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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