in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize