im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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