dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pooping to opera.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
