I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
