How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
