Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
