TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
