No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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