I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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