I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
