I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
