if you like me you must not know who I am
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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