on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
