you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
