Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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