I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
