He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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