You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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