I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
