It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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