omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
