508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
