No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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