I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
