My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
