just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos