when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her