After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.