I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.