he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life