Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

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  (512): I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck. http://tfl.nu/pefb
  Replies (8) Good night (1382) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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  (646): My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play... http://tfl.nu/zidw
  Replies (17) Good night (1379) Bad night (4041) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.

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  (619): You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on. http://tfl.nu/5706
  Replies (3) Good night (4026) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..

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  (717): currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous.. http://tfl.nu/1hzm
  Replies (9) Good night (4016) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  he had to chose between the booze and condoms

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  what did he choose?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?

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  (857): he had to chose between the booze and condoms (774): what did he choose? (857): the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right? http://tfl.nu/iz27
  Replies (18) Good night (1156) Bad night (5250)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

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  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6545) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette

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  (339): I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette http://tfl.nu/67ko
  Replies (22) Good night (5897) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.

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  (801): She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex. http://tfl.nu/3ix3
  Replies (19) Good night (2250) Bad night (5969) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
  Replies (25) Good night (5279) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.

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  (719): No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor. http://tfl.nu/gx10
  Replies (7) Good night (884) Bad night (6324) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.

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  (757): The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind. http://tfl.nu/p83t
  Replies (5) Good night (1572) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?

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  (208): This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy? http://tfl.nu/c53s
  Replies (13) Good night (921) Bad night (2821)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.

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  (740): Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward. http://tfl.nu/xwna
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (1635)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
  Replies (8) Good night (1479) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.

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  (417): I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow. http://tfl.nu/poey
  Replies (0) Good night (174) Bad night (109) Order T-Shirt

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