Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
