my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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