so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
