All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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