Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
