i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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