so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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