After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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