wakey wakey hands off snakey
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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