as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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