think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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