Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
