...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
