She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
