I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think my vagina is haunted
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i believe in u and ur pee
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
