the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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