I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
