Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
