I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
