she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
