I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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