I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
