i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
