I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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