Do you still have your period?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
